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Introducing; Sebastian Seductive’s Sensual Spa, the only adult store and spa in one, nestled within Sin city itself, and across the road from Pete’s pleasure palace. Enter our den of debauchery, cruise through our collection of kinky costumes. Peruse the pantheon of plugs, Look through our library of erotic books And meander through our many adult movies! But that’s only just the tip. Watch your partner oil wrestle while you enjoy a hot oil massage, and if that’s not steamy enough for you, we also have a sauna and steam room complete with hot rocks and hot studs. Dive into the dong shaped pool, and swim with our mermaids and mermen, bath with beauties in our many big bathtubs. But don’t just take our word for it; here is what some our customers had to say. Californian man: “I had a totally tits up experience at Sebastian’s spa, he’s a such bro and my girlfriend had a gnarly time too, 10 out of 10” Old man: “Sebastian’s spa is the best place for an old degenerate like me to rest and revitalise my weary old bones. He may be an eccentric fella but he knows what he’s doing and I highly recommend him and his business.” Russian man: “Spa good, shop okay.” And there you have it, but that was only just a few of our customers, what will you bring to the experience? I hope to see you soon at Sebastian Seductive’s Sensual Spa This advert wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for the generosity of my dear friend Francisco Fellatio, Francisco Fellatio’s Fun field, the perfect day out for the promiscuous family.

I’m Sebastian Seductive and you’re listening to seductive stories, were I interview random people to share their spicy stories. Our guest for this evening is an elderly man who has a rather spicy story about his first job. Take away sir. Old man: Hello Sebastian great to be here. My first job was as a cleaner at a peepshow, it was a rather revealing job. Sebastian: Ooh, how old were you at the time? Old man: I was old enough, to know that what I was cleaning up wasn’t mayonnaise that’s for sure. Sebastian: I see, and how long did you last at that job? Old man: I didn’t last long there, much like the patrons heh-heh. The smells and sounds put me off, and it was a sight for sore eyes. And by sore eyes I mean I contracted conjunctivas on the job. I left shortly after my favourite performer left. Sebastian: That sounds like most of my weekends. And wow what a story, and that’s all we have time for tonight folks. I’m Sebastian Seductive and you’ve been listening to the seductive stories. Tune in next week, for a tantalizing ASMR show by yourself truly. That sounds like this; you don’t want to miss it.

I’m Sebastian Seductive and you’re listening to seductive stories, where I interview random people to share their spicy stories. Today’s guest has a rather insightful story about the dangers of online dating, let’s all give him a warm welcome. Californian Man: “Sup bro? It’s awesome to be here. My story takes place a few years ago back when I was blue balled and blue pilled. I decided to dive into the world of online dating and that’s where I met a woman who shared the same interests as me and we got talking and hit it off straight away. Long story short we decided meet up in person, and after seeing her photos I was quite confident. When I turn the corner to meet her, I see a dyed hair land whale standing before me; I was thinking “damn surely that’s not her” Sebastian: “Damn you got cat fished hard, but don’t worry we’ve all been there” Californian Man: “Not wanting be a dick I continue with the date, and we head into the movie theatre, and of course she insists on having a jumbo sized popcorn cause I mean she is jumbo sized herself. So during the movie she leans up against me and I could feel the air being crushed out of my body, I thought I was going to faint, luckily enough she pulls away enough for me to regain my breath.” Sebastian: “Wow, if she didn’t pull away you wouldn’t even be here, but anyway continue.” Californian Man: “After the movie she takes me to a secluded area, unzips my pants and starts blowing me, and let me tell you it was the best BJ’s I’ve ever had. If there is one thing about fat chicks it’s that they know how to give good head, because to them it’s like food.” Sebastian: “Well at least you got a happy ending out of it, but I got to know, did you go on a second date?” Californian Man: “I did, after that BJ she gave me I was thinking only with my small head. It took me a little while for post nut clarity to kick in though.” Sebastian: “There you have it folks the power of post nut clarity, and the struggle between the big head and the small head. I suppose the advantage of dating a fat chick would be if you ever got stuck in a blizzard you could always just cut her open and crawl inside….I’m just joking guys I wouldn’t promote such things…Or would I. before we end tonight’s show, here’s a quick word from our sponsor Fondlers! The Italian restaurant where groping is not only allowed but encouraged Enjoy good food, along with a night of groping and fondling only at fondlers. I’m Sebastian Seductive and you’ve been listening to seductive stories.

I’m Sebastian Seductive and you’re listening to seductive stories, where I interview random people to share their spicy stories. I have a returning guest today; it’s none other than everyone’s favourite elderly degenerate please give him a warm welcome. Old man: “Hello Sebastian, it’s great to be back. I’ve got a couple of tantalizing stories to tell. My first story takes place back in the 70’s, during the golden age of pornography. After I left my first job as a cleaner at a peepshow, I got a job as a fluffer for a big company. It was a hard job, pun intended. I worked across multiple sets and I saw a lot of dongs, thongs, and gash to last a life time, it was like having a porn subscription that paid me instead. On some occasions I was even required to lift heavy objects on set, but not as heavy as the actors involved in the BBW Scenes that’s for sure. But soon enough Viagra was introduced and the company no longer needed me, I joined the fluffers’ union, in order to secure my job future, but it was to no avail. As the 70’s was drawing to a close, so too was my time as a fluffer. I left shortly after the turn of the decade.” Sebastian: “Wow what a touching story, pun intended. It brings a tear to eye not a milky white one but still a tear none the less, but please continue”. Old man: “My next story takes place in the 1980’s. I was between jobs at the time, and I saw a listing for a roadie working for a new upcoming rock band called Within Her Walls, I liked the name and I knew that these guys were destined for stardom. So I packed my shit and headed to the UK, and there I met the frontman of the band, none other than the degenerate prince himself Pierce Hymen and he did just that pierce hymens, he was quite the playboy. The band also consisted of guitarist Willy Hammerthrust, his tasty licks on guitar weren’t the only thing he was licking, and he was a favourite among the womenfolk. He would signal his groupies by sticking his tongue through the centre of his flying v. On bass guitar was Richard Slapper, the bass wasn’t the only thing that he slapped. And finally on drums was Rod Johnson, his party trick was playing a beat on both a pair of breasts and a booty. Which reminds me of the time, when we were late for a show. We quickly tailed it to the venue and I had to swiftly load their music gear unto the stage before their set began. As I about to grab Willy’s guitar, which was one of those new pointy flying v’s, I hear a moaning sound. I ignore it at first, grab the guitar and head for the door, but before I could make it. I hear the moaning sound again and I look down to see a half-naked groupie lying on the floor of the tour bus near Willy’s bunk I quickly and quietly step over her as to not wake her, but little did I know that there was a second groupie lying on the floor next to Pierce Hymen’s bunk and I trip over her, she screams and the edge of the guitar slips and impales my thigh right next to my Johnson. I scream and then she screams again. And it was within that moment that I realized that the road life is not for me. And I hand in my resignation letter shortly after the end of the tour.” Till this day I still have a scar on my thigh next my Johnson as a reminder of how lucky I truly am.” Sebastian: “Ouch that sounds almost as painful as the time I got my Prince Albert piercing. And Wow what a story that was. That’s the end of tonight’s show, I’m Sebastian Seductive and you’ve been listening to seductive stories.

Are you feeling burdened by having a colostomy bag, and still want to look stylish? Never fear grandpa’s colostomy bag covers are here . And I’ve got quite the collection of designs, like everyone’s favourite Newgrounds character Pico, as well as Tankman, Samurai Asshole, and P-Bot. I even have a series of Madness inspired designs for the more daring. Never be embarrassed again with these stylish designs, sure to impress even the harshest of critics. But act now before your bag fills to save massively on these colostomy bag covers, if you buy one today, I’ll even throw in two Tankmen designs for half price. But that’s not all, if you order now you’ll receive a free pair of orthopaedic platform shoes Curb stomp your enemies in comfort. But much like the donors at a sperm bank, this offer won’t last so to be quick. Grandpa’s colostomy bag covers, discreetly stylish!

Hey everyone, it’s me Wes the weeabo as they call me, I used to offended by that term but now I wear it like a badge of honour I own that shit you know, cause you know there’s nothing wrong with being a weeabo cause everyone has their thing that interests them. And you do you ya know it’s a perfectly normal hobby and interest to have. I’m just not a fan of the assumptions that people make about me, like they think my fingers are always encrusted with Cheetos dust and that I have bad body odour, which is true but that’s beside the point. People are judging me before they even know me, and that’s not fair. At least tell me your favourite bleach character and we’ll go from there. And Cheetos are a perfectly normal snack, sure your fingers get all dirty and they covered in that cheese dust, but that’s sacrifice you make for that amazing explosive cheese flavour, I mean it’s fucking good okay. And I am aware of my body odour guys, it’s called a medical condition and I am trying to get treatment for it, so just relax okay I know I stink. And what’s more is they assume I own a dakimakura which for the uncultured people is a Japanese body pillow and you can get all these neat pillows cases for it that look like your favourite anime waifus. And there’s nothing wrong with owning a dakimakura guys, it’s an orthopaedic pillow and sleep aid it helps me sleep at night, and it’s supportive. Plus they look great against the backdrop of anime and manga that I have in my room so. If you think I’m bad you should meet my friend Mike, no joke I went to his apartment the other day, I saw entire walls covered in anime, manga, and figurines so many waifus. It made me jealous, he had all the genshin impact girls, all the girls from bleach and one piece. It was like walking into an anime museum I thought I died and went to anime heaven. And then he shows me his almost entire collection of doujins, some of which I’ve never even heard of and I’m quite scholar when it comes to manga. But then curiosity got the better of me, and I opened this locked draw that was in his bedroom and lo and behold more anime waifu figurines but these were different and not in a good way, they were covered in Cheetos dust and dare I say another sticky substance that I’d rather not talk about. Man I witnessed some fucked up shit in there and I’ve seen my fair share of tentacle hentai to last a life time. But this shit was next level. I mean I’m not going to judge him for using his anime figurines for that purpose but at least fucking clean them afterwards. This is fucking disgusting. So I quickly left, but he did lend me some cool doujins, but alas the pages were stuck together, this guy has no shame I thought. Speaking of people with no shame, if you thought us weeaboos were intense, then you should take a look at the damn furry community these guys are into some crazy shit like dressing up in blue wolf fursuits, which are damn expensive if you ask me, and you thought us weeaboos waste money these guys take the cake for that. They even make up their own animal personas which they call fursonas. But what pisses me off is that they ruined one of my favourite animes growing up which is pokemon I mean come on guys there is enough pokegirls that you don’t need to go after the pokemon themselves. You got nurse joy, officer jenny, Nessa, Cynthia, Hilda, and they keep adding new babes with each new game, so there is an entire harem of pokegirls, so why the hell do you furries feel the need to sexualize the pokemon they’re fucking animals that shits bestiality. And I know what you are going to say ah but Wes some of the pokemon are humanoid so it’s okay. Really guys? Like gardevoir? Like come on guys, and what’s up with this fucking vaporeon obsession all of a sudden. I just don’t get it. What’s next guys? Are you going to go after all the eveelutions, it wouldn’t surprise me if you guys already have. And what’s even more messed up is the five nights at freddies yiff that people feel the need to make for some twisted reason, that shit is on a whole another level, I don’t even know what else to say about it. It’s so freaking bizarre. And back to the whole fursuit thing, I don’t know how you can wear those, I sweat when I eat, and that’s bad enough. If I was in one of those I’d be sweating bullets, and I’d probably pass out. I don’t know how you guys to do it, wearing that hot sweaty suit all day. You guys are on another level. But I will say one thing there are some fucking talented artists within the furry community, it’s a shame that you waste your talent on drawing vaporean hentai and shit. You know it saddens me to see such talent to go waste, when it could be spent drawing pokegirls and normal anime girls in general. And I don’t why people still hate on anime its fucking perfect, its awesome, there’s something for everyone, you got shonen, shojo, isekai, you got splice of life, comedy, romance, mystery, adventure, historical, and you got ecchi and harem, which are two of my favourite genres of course. I consider myself a man of culture. Plus the women in anime are fucking hot and perfect, you know if women if real life were like the women in anime there wouldn’t be so many problems in the world you know? People could learn a lot of anime. And you might say ah but Wes Japan has such a xenophobic culture, I mean yeah but they don’t have a lot of the problems that we do here in the west so, they have a pretty based culture which is cool. But I’m not just into anime I also play my fair share of video games. One in particular I grew up which is spyro the dragon. I must say I’m no furry, but Elora’s redesign in the spyro reignited trilogy, really awoke something in me, I mean she’s just so fucking cute in her little green leaf dress, she’s got me fauning over her ha get it. And before you say ah Wes wanting to smash Elora does make you a furry. Just hold up a minute guys she is a faun which is a mythical creature, a half human half goat in this case, which makes her a halfsie, which is totally fine guys. I mean ancient Greeks probably would have fucked fauns back in their day so me wanting to Elora is totally understandable and fine. I rest my case. But what isn’t okay is you guys wanting to bang Anhka from animal crossing, I know I’ve seen the meme but it still doesn’t justify it, you’re a furry if you desire Anhka cause she legit is just a cat. She’s not even a cat girl mind you just a cat. If she was a cat girl, then it would be fine, more than fine even cause who doesn’t like cat girls I mean come on, they just are so cute. They offer the best of both worlds cause you have a pet and a girlfriend in one, you got the appearance of a woman but the playfulness and stamina of an animal. They are submissive and breedable need I say more. That’s the cast for cat girls. But anyway back to Elora, they should make dakimakura covers of her, cause that would be hot, cause you know she’s the goat, ha get it. And you might say ah Wes she is a faun you dork, didn’t you play the game. And I know I was just making a joke guys relax. But anyway that’s all I got to say guys, keep watching anime and peace out.

Hey guys it’s me again Wes the weeabo here, I’m here at ecchi con, for the 5th time in a row, it’s one of the only times of the year that us otaku weeabo reclusive types get out and enjoy ourselves, perusing the many collections of dakimakuras, anime waifu figurines, and doujins, particularly of the cultured type if you catch my drift. And don’t even get me started on the cosplay here, It’s awesome all these babes dressed up as my favourite anime waifus, I’m here with a woody it’s a three legged race for me for the whole time while I’m at the convention. It’s fucking intense, I know I could never pick up one of them, but I like to dream and have hope that one day a rias gremory cosplayer will fancy me and we’ll go out and eventually get married. You gotta make it down to the ecchi con at least once in your life, and see if it’s for you, most of the time though, once you go you’re hooked and you’ll be coming back every year and that’s what happened to me. I spend most of my moneys on the DVDs and games here you know the ones I like. You know the cultured ones that feature big titty elven waifus, succubus babes, and slimes girls we can’t forget those, oh it wouldn’t be complete without neko girls, that’s ah cat girls for those that don’t know. They are my weakness in particular. My love for cats girls all started when I was a young teen I watched dot hack roots and there was this cat girl called Tabby with big milkers on her and it awoke in me, and soon enough I discovered the cat planet cuties and nekopara and I’ve been hooked ever since. If I had a cat girl in real life I wouldn’t leave my room if you know what I mean. But anyway we also have vendors at the convention that stock some particular items, you know them they are called onaholes. I never end up buying one though, I always get too embarrassed and I chicken out. I don’t want any of the cosplayer babes to see me purchase those particular items cause they might think I’m some sort of pervert, which I am but I can’t have them know that. That would ruin my chances entirely of getting with them and I can’t have that. I’m quite well known at ecchi con by the way, I mean most of the girls avoid me, but still I’m quite famous here, well infamous but still. I hope to see you all again at next year’s ecchi con. But stay away from those furry conventions, one time actually one of my friends roped me into going with him, I stood out like a sore thumb I was there wearing my Naruto t shirt and sweat pants. While everyone one else was there in their fursuits and some of which were also dressed as ponies which was equally as strange. But to make matters worse my friend left me with a creepy brony standing there in a trench coat and wearing a unicorn horn, and he had this massive folder of Yiff which for those that don’t know is basically furry hentai. And man some of the images in that folder really made my stomach turn, I won’t go into detail or anything, although some of those pictures did make me question my stance on the whole furry debate, but we won’t get into that, it’s best not to dwell on such things you know. But you gotta be careful what you look at man, I lost a friend to the furry fandom only recently, he saw the trailer for ratchet and clank rift apart and as soon as he saw rivet the new female lombax, it awoke something within him, and that’s how they get you. They exploit your weakness, and they’ve got you, whether it’s rogue the bat or any of the other sonic girls, or Roxanne from a goofy movie. Or Isabelle and ankha from animal crossing, or even Krystal from Star fox, they like to cover all bases so you gotta watch out. And I bet that furry with the Yiff folder was some sort of priest among the furry fandom who was out there to make disciples, and that book he had was their unholy scriptures. It wouldn’t surprise me. I’m just glad that he wasn’t in possession of the tome of Yiff, and you might say ah Wes what is this tome of Yiff you speak of? I’m getting to that now don’t worry. Ah legend speaks of a powerful artefact known only as the tome of Yiff, its dark magic has the power to turn the beholder into cold dead stone which happens right after they puke their guts out from viewing the grotesque images contained within. But it gets worse, for those who have even the smallest inclination towards becoming a furry, end up being transformed into a full-fledged furry in a blink of an eye. The images contained within the tome are that detailed and numerous that no one is safe from gazing upon its corrupt pages. All but one anyway, the legend speaks of a brave hero who is so disciplined and numb to the ways of the furries that he can gaze upon its pages but be left unchanged. He is the only one that can carry the cursed book to the flames of furrydom to be destroyed. But he must make the perilous journey through the fur forests, across the endless pony plains where he must battle against hordes of rabid bronies, and then unto the final frontier which is the ruined kingdom of furrydom where he must face the undead furry king, king yiffers the third. But that’s just a legend or say they say. But anyway stay obsessed and never forget that anime is the bestest thing ever. Over and out guys

Hey everyone, it’s me Wes the weeaboo back once again. I’ve been pre-occupied lately with Vtubers well more of an infatuation, ah but anyway for those that don’t know they are basically anime waifus that make online content whether it be gaming or even ASMR which I’m quite fond of. And there are so many Vtuber babes to chat with there are all the Hololive girls, and the Vshojo girls. And some of them even make these awesome dance videos which really get my blood pumping if you know what I mean. Man If I could have a Vtuber girlfriend I would be quite a happy man, it would be like having a real life anime waifu, well as close as one can get to having one anyway. But with all good things comes the bad, and I’m referring to these furry Vtubers of course, man it’s like these furries always feel the need to invade all these different spaces and taint everything with their grubby paws. I keep telling you it’s like a sickness that has swept over the world. Trying to contain it now would prove problematic though. Speaking of which I had a rather revealing dream a few nights ago involving a certain blue fox called Krystal. It was quite a pleasant dream though, but I awoke in a panic with sweat pouring down my forehead, I mean I often wake up all sweaty but still this was something else, and to my horror I looked down to notice a hard bulge in my shorts. And then it hit me, was I starting to become one of them? Was the sickness spreading to me as well? And here I was thinking I was immune to it, but alas not even a well-trained weeaboo like myself can fight off the sickness for that long. I quickly got up and rummaged through my video game collection looking for any games that would dare tempt me into the darkness. Among the collection was Star Fox Adventures, and I thought Ah-ha this must be the root cause of it all. And when I picked up the game I saw Krystal on the cover looking all sexy and tempting me. I knew I had to resist, but damn the outfit they put her in really got my blood pumping, I could feel a half chub developing. And it doesn’t help that my favourite colour is blue, in that moment I knew I had to get rid of the game otherwise my fate would be sealed. But it was a struggle in itself I was stuck in a mental tug-o-war. I felt like Frodo baggins being tempted by the one ring in lord of the rings. But I managed to break free and tossed the game out. I went through the remaining collection of Nintendo game cube games and then I saw it Sonic Adventure 2 and on the cover was none other than rouge the bat, damn it not again, why did they make her so sexy? I thought. And just like that I was stuck again in a mental tug-o-war not knowing if I’ll be able to break free. I resisted the urge and managed to break free. I also threw out Animal Crossing just to be on the safe side. I also went through my collection of Play station games as well and threw out Crash Bandicoot lest I fall prey to the likes of Coco and Tawna bandicoot I thought. But unbeknownst to me at the time, the following night I had another sexy dream but this time it involved one rogue the bat. Sadly curiosity got the better of me, and I ended up perusing some artwork of her online, and soon after I ended up looking at pages upon pages of Krystal yiff. I was in too deep now to quit, I couldn’t help myself, the sickness had taken root in me and I didn’t know what to do. I thought I was going to be victorious like Frodo Baggins was in the Lord of the Rings, but I ended up being more like Bilbo Baggins who wanted to hold unto the one ring. And it doesn’t help that there is so much yiff on Newgrounds, so many artists on that site that create such monstrosities but also such beauty at the same time it’s a conflicting thing. I tried to look away but I couldn’t and I too became mesmerized by it, caught in a hypnotised frenzy of furry fan art. But I wasn’t about to become like my friend who has a fur affinity account cause that shit is just next level. Although an ad for a Krystal dakimakura cover did pop up on my computer screen, I didn’t buy it of course, but I was tempted to. But to cut a long story short I ended up getting all my old games back and then some. But the moral of the story is that you gotta be careful of what goes into your sub conscious man because it can rear its ugly head again through dreams. But ah anyway, stay vigilant guys and take care, bye for now.

Hey guys, it’s me again Wes the Weeaboo. I’ve been feeling under the weather lately guys I’ve contracted a bad case of clussy fever if you know what I mean. I mean there so much awesome artwork of Geiru Toneido from Phoenix Wright on the interwebs for one to peruse. She’s got me acting up, and now I desire a clown waifu, I swear these artists and animators really know how to make me act up. They always have a knack for finding such gems and turning them into trends. They’ve already converted a large portion of people into furries with their Ankha obsession and I don’t think that will let up anytime soon. Not to mention this whole Loona obsession, if you’ve watched the show Helluva Boss you would know that she does indeed have a human form, so how come all I art of her that I see on Newgrounds and in general is of her wolf form? Like come on guys, you’re such furries picking the wolf form over the human form. That’s just poor form. But I’ll let you artists off the hook for now, you probably have to draw all the shit just to keep the lights on, cause you gotta do what you gotta do I guess, if accepting commissions for furry hentai is what helps keep your business afloat then I won’t give you too much shit for it, but never forget your roots guys. But anyway now the latest trend is some jester girl called Pomni from a web series called the amazing digital circus, I’ve personally never heard of it, but at least she’s a human female this time. And not some furry, so I gotta give them props for that. And you might say ah but Wes didn’t you become a furry last time we heard from you, ah no not quite. I mean I did have a yiff binge but I’ve since purged it from my system, and I’m no longer under the furry spell, but damn that little blue fox Krystal always gets me acting up. So I consider her the exception and not the rule, like for some of you guys out there Ankha is the exception and not the rule. But ah anyway, I’m going to keep this message short cause the clussy fever is intensifying. Catch ya later guys.

Sometimes emotional support animals just aren’t enough, and that’s when you need an emotional support whore, during those sensitive times and for sensitive areas. She also doubles as that plus one for family events such as; your sibling’s wedding, birthdays, holiday gatherings, and even funerals. But before you rush out all erect to get one, you’ll need to know how to care for one or several, for that matter. Welcome to your guide to caring for your emotional support whore. We’ll be discussing the following; grooming, feeding, and the all-important matter of exercise. But before we start, here is a quick message from our sponsor; Whoredash! The service app that directly connects you to every brothel within a 15 mile radius, ensuring a good variety of snatch, from pink peach and caramel cooch, to brown box and everything in-between. Whoredash has got you covered! Using our services, helps you get serviced. Whoredash! Now back to the lesson, when it comes to feeding A good diet high in zinc is best, because if you’re not producing, she’s not eating. Giving her your meat will ensure that she gets plenty of protein as well. You may notice her developing an appetite for ketamine and codeine, but don’t worry that’s expected. When exercising it is important to change the intensity, along with the position; hair pulling, biting, and choking is encouraged as it helps stimulate blood flow. The use of toys and other devices is optional, but recommended. For resistance training we recommend Shibari, the Japanese art of rope bondage. After exercise it is important to clean every nook, cranny, and crevice, if you have more than one emotional support whore than this can be done quite efficiently. When it comes to apparel; lace, leather and latex is the standard for most emotional support whores. Common accessories include chokers, collars and leashes, along with plugs and animal ears for the more degenerate. This concludes our guide on caring for your emotional support whore. We hope you enjoyed this guide as much as you’ll enjoy her, and that you found this information to be helpful. Disclaimer: emotional support whore not included, we will be liable for any STDs contracted. No emotional support whores were harmed in the making of this guide. Please consult your doctor on whether or not this product is right for you. Emotional Support Whore, man’s new best friend.

Is your brown eye giving you the stink eye? Are you feeling unsatisfied with regular toilet paper? Are you spending way too much time wiping? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you should consider. Absorb-Ass! The only patented toilet paper that cleans you completely. Put your faecal matters to rest, once and all with Absorb-Ass The highly absorbent toilet paper that leaves your ass spotless And your taint untainted. It works by using a newly discovered bacterium that eats all shit in sight Leaving your anus unsoiled You’ll even enjoy using Absorb-Ass as you feel the bacterium get to work. Making its way deeper into your rectum for a deeper clean Absorb-Ass comes in both scented and unscented varieties to suit all bathroom types. And because we a give a shit, we’ll even throw in a second pack for half price, but only stocks lasts Absorb-Ass! For those that give a shit

Are you looking for a carnal caffeinated experience? Then look no further than Flicking the Bean, the newest and only lewd café in town. As soon as you walk through the suggestive and oddly shaped door, you’ll be greeted by our busty baristas and sexy serving girls. But make no mistake our baristas are more than just eye candy they are skilled artists who will make lewd latte art of your choice Think of us as Starbucks meets hooters with a twist. Flicking the bean, where caffeine and carnality come together in unholy matrimony Flicking the bean does not condone prostitution or sexual harassment, we will not be held liable for your arousal or sexual misconduct. Breast milk sold separately.

Are you a stickler for historically accurate headwear? Then look no further than Mad Mackenzie’s mad hat emporium where the only thing crazier than our prices, are our products. We pride ourselves on being the only headwear manufacturer to still use mercury nitrate in the production of all our top hats, ensuring historical accuracy and authenticity. But don’t ask us how we acquired the mercury nitrate, that’s a trade secret that will get us into a lot of trouble if we told you. And we don’t just sell hats though we sell the experiences that come with them. Like the experience of losing your mind via mercury poisoning, and becoming clinically insane, because who doesn’t want to experience the slow descent into madness and mania where you lose all grip on reality and become a shadow of your former self. Think of it as a returning to the good old days. And before you know it you won’t know what day is it Mad Mackenzie’s mad hat emporium where we care more about authenticity than legality.